One thing you quickly learn in any spy organization is that you never, ever piss off the !@#$ secretary.
Why? Well, maybe you think the field agents are the !@#$, and maybe they are. Maybe they juggle a nation's security as easily as most frat boys play beer pong. Maybe they overthrow regimes and ferret out counterspies before breakfast.
Maybe they can !@#$ing kill people from across the room with their !@#$ brains.
Why? Well, maybe you think the field agents are the !@#$, and maybe they are. Maybe they juggle a nation's security as easily as most frat boys play beer pong. Maybe they overthrow regimes and ferret out counterspies before breakfast.
Maybe they can !@#$ing kill people from across the room with their !@#$ brains.
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| Or the patented Sir Christopher Lee Look Of Death. |
Who remembers all the small details? Who sees the little inconsistencies? Who notices the long-term patterns? And who makes sure the office runs smooth as silk while you're in the other room, screaming down the horn at some poor !@#$ing schmuck who lost the person he was supposed to be tailing?
That would be your secretary, son. The person who's paid to be your outboard brain. The most dangerous person in the whole !@#$ office.
And when they go rogue, it's bad !@#$ing news for everyone.
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| Do NOT read this letter. It will kill you. |
(This is why SPYGOD does not have secretaries,
son. I have Seconds. They basically run the show for me while I'm off
strapping myself to man-missiles, shooting commies, and getting my fine
gay !@#$ shot at for America. And they're so !@#$ busy with all that
they don't have time to get any funny ideas)
Which brings us to the case of one Velvet Templeton: personal secretary to the Director of ARC-7 -- an agency other spy organizations think is a big !@#$ myth. Their top agents don't exist, every op is black as night, and they have more cool toys than they know what to do with.
They've also got a major !@#$ing problem. One of their best agents was just killed in the field, and it looks like a former agent might be responsible. And while that would be very much in fitting with the bleak poetry that defines the spy game, Velvet just doesn't think he's their man.
Unfortunately, when she goes digging, suspecting a frame-up, she gets put right at the scene of another frame -- her own.
And this is where the !@#$ hits the fan, because as it turns out, Velvet Templeton wasn't always a secretary. She was once a field agent in her own right. And while it's been years since she did anything more dangerous than take the bus to work, there's nothing like having your own Agency trying to !@#$ing kill you to get the old instincts back online.
Which brings us to the case of one Velvet Templeton: personal secretary to the Director of ARC-7 -- an agency other spy organizations think is a big !@#$ myth. Their top agents don't exist, every op is black as night, and they have more cool toys than they know what to do with.
They've also got a major !@#$ing problem. One of their best agents was just killed in the field, and it looks like a former agent might be responsible. And while that would be very much in fitting with the bleak poetry that defines the spy game, Velvet just doesn't think he's their man.
Unfortunately, when she goes digging, suspecting a frame-up, she gets put right at the scene of another frame -- her own.
And this is where the !@#$ hits the fan, because as it turns out, Velvet Templeton wasn't always a secretary. She was once a field agent in her own right. And while it's been years since she did anything more dangerous than take the bus to work, there's nothing like having your own Agency trying to !@#$ing kill you to get the old instincts back online.
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| The right wardrobe helps -- a lot. |
Hunted and hounded at almost every step, she takes it on
the god!@#$ lam, working to retrace the dead agent's steps. Some time ago, on a
long-forgotten operation, there was a day he couldn't quite account for.
Someone must know what the !@#$ happened, then, and the answers to why he was
killed will hopefully follow.
But with each step she takes to unravel this puzzle, her own !@#$ past begins to unravel as well. What happened to the dead agent may have something to do with one of her own dark secrets, long buried behind the facade of "personal secretary."
Hopefully she can stay a step ahead of her own !@#$ people long enough to find out what's really going on here. But when you're up against a group like ARC-7, and still shaking off the rust of so many years, such hopes are few and fleeting, indeed.
What else could I say about Velvet? Plenty more, but that'd ruin a number of genuine pleasures and surprises in what turned out to be a !@#$ good spy tale. And when I'm saying something like that, well, that's saying something, son.
Put it this way -- when Velvet says that operatives hate to follow the rules, but yet are good at following orders? That's when you know they get it.
But let me break it down a little more for you:
1) Believable Superspy Story: Believe you me, this is hard to pull off. So many people think it's all about guns, gadgets, disguises, and !@#$ing women with names like "Quim Sundae." And while they are in here (well, not poor Ms. Sundae) the creators understand that the game is more about having contacts, using assets, remembering the little things, and being willing to sacrifice anything and anyone to get the job done.
2) 1970's Period Piece: While it's not always evident -- and that's probably a good thing -- the fact that this is set back in the 70's makes the tale a little more intriguing to me. No cell phones to steal, no PCs to hack, no internet to get all the answers from. There are no shortcuts, only tradecraft. And that is glorious.
3) A Great Creative Team: What else could you expect from the creators of Captain America: the Winter Soldier? Brubaker's writing is stellar, here: well-paced and taut, with an excellent understanding of when to tell and when to show. And Epting's art is excellent, able to move from the shadows to the light in all the right spots, and stay well-grounded in a gritty realism that makes the leaps into superspy mode just that much more astounding.
But with each step she takes to unravel this puzzle, her own !@#$ past begins to unravel as well. What happened to the dead agent may have something to do with one of her own dark secrets, long buried behind the facade of "personal secretary."
Hopefully she can stay a step ahead of her own !@#$ people long enough to find out what's really going on here. But when you're up against a group like ARC-7, and still shaking off the rust of so many years, such hopes are few and fleeting, indeed.
What else could I say about Velvet? Plenty more, but that'd ruin a number of genuine pleasures and surprises in what turned out to be a !@#$ good spy tale. And when I'm saying something like that, well, that's saying something, son.
Put it this way -- when Velvet says that operatives hate to follow the rules, but yet are good at following orders? That's when you know they get it.
But let me break it down a little more for you:
1) Believable Superspy Story: Believe you me, this is hard to pull off. So many people think it's all about guns, gadgets, disguises, and !@#$ing women with names like "Quim Sundae." And while they are in here (well, not poor Ms. Sundae) the creators understand that the game is more about having contacts, using assets, remembering the little things, and being willing to sacrifice anything and anyone to get the job done.
2) 1970's Period Piece: While it's not always evident -- and that's probably a good thing -- the fact that this is set back in the 70's makes the tale a little more intriguing to me. No cell phones to steal, no PCs to hack, no internet to get all the answers from. There are no shortcuts, only tradecraft. And that is glorious.
3) A Great Creative Team: What else could you expect from the creators of Captain America: the Winter Soldier? Brubaker's writing is stellar, here: well-paced and taut, with an excellent understanding of when to tell and when to show. And Epting's art is excellent, able to move from the shadows to the light in all the right spots, and stay well-grounded in a gritty realism that makes the leaps into superspy mode just that much more astounding.
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| "It's dark, and we're wearing superspy glasses." "Hit it." |
If you loved their run on Captain America, and wanted to
see how they handle a full on spy tale that doesn't have powers or
costumes? This is your ticket, son. Buy the !@#$ thing and get on board.
Velvet Vol. 1: Before the Living End -- get it at your local comic store!
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