11/24/14 - Big !@#$ Black Friday Book Bonanza 2014

Well, it's that !@#$ing time of year again, son. Time to round up the relatives, set the !@#$ table, place your bets on who's going to start a fight over the !@#$ing Lions game, and make so much !@#$ food that you got enough to feed everyone leftovers until the middle of !@#$ing December.

Thanksgiving, we like to call it. A uniquely American holiday, unless you're from Canada, in which case !@#$ you, ours is better. Because I said so. And poutine doesn't go well with turkey, anyway.

Anyway, it's kind of a subdued Thanksgiving for us, here at Casa del SPYGOD, due to being under !@#$ing house arrest and all. Just me, my man, my cat, and those two stupid !@#$ers outside who insist on checking everything that goes in and out.

As a result. I can't guarantee the turkey we whistled up from the !@#$ing Chinese butcher down in on 4th is going to be in great shape when it comes through the door. But as soon as they realize it's still alive, mutated, frothing at the mouth rabid, and armed to the !@#$ teeth, they might not be in such great shape, either.

(We chase the !@#$ turkey around the kitchen with cleavers, hack it to !@#$ing pieces, and then sew it back together, stuff it with wild herb and mushroom stuffing, and baste it with !@#$ing whiskey. Don't quibble until you try some, son. It's just how we do things here.)

Others have more prosaic traditions.

But we'll be having a !@#$ good time, here. There will be food and fun and laughter and joy and a whole lot of !@#$ing dishes to wash. We'll enjoy my psychotic grandmother's garlic and lemon green beans, my lover's special thai creamy mashed potatoes with green curry gravy, and a pumpkin pie that even Joe Stalin could use to !@#$ing bribe his way out of Hell.

(Meanwhile, the cat will be contributing kitchen mayhem, followed by demon hairballs, sad looks during the long cooking process, and the ability to !@#$ing scarf everything down in less than a !@#$ minute if we turn our backs for that long. !@#$ing beast.)

And don't despair about that silly trial, coming up. We might be spending Thanksgiving here, but I have no !@#$ing intention of being here for Christmas. And that's all I'll !@#$ing say about that. For now...

But once Thanksgiving is over, there's the next day to consider. I'm sure you know what I'm !@#$ing talking about, too. Black Friday, in which your friends and neighbors suddenly decide that all those years of borrowing one another's !@#$ing lawn mower is not as !@#$ing important as getting their hands on the Cabbage Patch doll before you do.

"Give us to your children. Your precious, little children. We will show them things you can't explain. For Satan."

Now, it !@#$ing occurred to me that, since you're going to be out !@#$ing shopping, you might want to think about getting people some !@#$ing excellent comics. And while this is the season for them to be putting out all kinds of huge hardcovers, special packages, and other such things, there's also a lot of really good !@#$ that won't cost you a god!@#$ arm and leg.

So rather that spend time talking about one thing you might want to get the comic reader in your family, I'm going to tell you about a whole bunch of them. I can't do an in-depth review of !@#$ing everything that comes out, after all. And there's some really !@#$ good stuff that I just flat out missed, this year.

In some !@#$ing semblance of non-order, then...

Hey, wasn't it just the other week that I was !@#$ing going on about how !@#$ing good 100 Bullets was? Well, just our luck, Azzarello and Risso were kind enough to jump back into the !@#$ saddle for eight issues of more inspired mayhem, murder, and morality, starring our favorite villain.

 100 Bullets: Brother Lono (DC Vertigo) picks up the story some time after the climax of that series, and finds our "hero" lurking south of the border, in a town where the most horrific !@#$ imaginable goes on. But amazingly enough, he's not a part of it. After narrowly escaping death, he's on the straight and narrow, now, and helping out at a church of all places. But when the !@#$ starts coming down, how long can he hold back before the monster he's been starts coming to the surface again?

And what will !@#$ing happen when it does...?

This limited series brought it all !@#$ing home for me, and acts as a perfect epilogue of sorts for the whole series. The writing's top notch, as always, the art is as amazing as ever, and there's stuff in here that will make your heart stop beating. A fitting tribute for the man we all loved to !@#$ing hate.

So, have you been !@#$ing loving Superior Spider Man as much as I do? Hating it? Not !@#$ing sure? Well, regardless of how you felt about Peter Parker being a !@#$ ghost in his own body while Doctor Octopus called the shots, you will want to get your !@#$ing hands on the new series, in which Peter is back and better than ever!

Unfortunately, Pete's got some big !@#$ 'splaining to do. You see, while Doc Oc was in control, his being overwhelmed by Parker's memories made him want to try and be a !@#$ing superhero. He just had a really !@#$ing... unique way of going about it. So Peter's got to explain the dead criminals, the army of mercenaries, Spider Island, and all the lies he told all the people he loved and cared about. Including people Doc Oc was in love with, but Peter has no idea about. 

And wait until Black Cat gets back on her feet, as the Superior Spider Man put a beatdown on her she's not going to !@#$ing forget or forgive anytime soon...

The new series starts with Amazing Spider Man: The Parker Luck (Marvel), and it's a great continuation of the amazing !@#$ing work Dan Slott's been doing on this title for the past few years.

Another gem that came out this year was a magnificent collection of Warren Ellis' run on The Authority (DC): a superhero story that took the genre-expanding stuff Ellis had been doing on Stormwatch, kicked it up and down a !@#$ing wall, and then left it somewhat debased but happy for the experience.

Here's the deal, son. Stormwatch is in ruins, having fallen victim to the hubris of the Weatherman, as well as the carnage of what may be the worst !@#$ing crossover ever. So it's up to Jenny Sparks and a number of other heroes she's collected before and after the whole !@#$ing thing came down to stand up and save the world. But if they're going to save it, it !@#$ well better be worth saving, which means they're going to be a little more proactive than some would like.

Ellis takes the action cinematic, and Bryan Hitch's art is top notch, but what really stands out is how this comic !@#$ing takes no prisoners, and pulls no punches. Future writers tried to carry on the legacy from these 12 issues, including tackling the "save the world from itself" idea Sparks threatened, but never got it as good as these were, either in spirit or execution. You could be forgiven for pretending that the series just ended here, except that Mark !@#$ing Millar and Frank god!@#$ Quitely got involved after that, and... well, you can make up your own !@#$ mind about that.

But this, here? It belongs on your shelf, along with Watchmen, Maus, and Sandman: stories that took the medium as we understood it and did something !@#$ing different with them. Buy it, savor it, and then understand why some of us snort and laugh when a bunch of heroes try to change the !@$# world.

Because Warren Ellis already !@#$ing went there, and did it perfectly. So there.

Who's Blacksad? Oh, son. Sometimes I despair. Truly. *sigh*

Okay, try this on for size. Imagine someone was going to !@#$ing tell a no-punches-pulled story of a 1950's semi-hardboiled private eye. But imagine that they were going to do this anthropomorphic style, with a grimy, gumshoe world full of animals. And imagine it was going to have the feel of good, early 80's Heavy Metal, only a lot more hopeful and soulful than most of the stories you read there?

Well, that's Blacksad -- John Blacksad to you. And in this third collection (Blacksad: Amarillo {Dark Horse}) he's trying to !@#$ing to get his head back on straight after some really bad !@#$ went down. On a whim, he takes a "case" of driving some rich guy's car back to Texas, but things get really !@#$ complicated real !@#$ing quick when some beat writer on the run steals the car. And when the writer does something bad using it, well... all kinds of trouble comes John's way.

As !@#$ing usual.

I'm not !@#$ing telling you any more than that. All I will say is that these comics are utterly charming, in a hardboiled noir kind of way, with characters you'll love and love to hate, a moral center that shines through (however grimy) and some really !@#$ good art. Any time one of these gets translated and sent over to this side of the pond, I !@#$ing cheer. Get someone Amarillo and read through it first, and you'll see why. You'll even get one for yourself.

Now, while I did say that we'd be trying to go !@#$ing easy on your wallet, here, there's an important !@#$ exception, here. DC Vertigo has been kind enough to put the entirety of Grant Morrison's epic, genre-breaking run on Doom Patrol into omnibus format. And while you might want to scream abuse at the big !@#$ price tag ($150 American) I can guarantee you that, just like the Invisibles one they did a couple years ago, this is money well spent.

Why? Well !@#$, son, where have you been? This is where Grant showed us that he could take the deconstruction he did on Animal Man a step further, turning a seminal but strangely unpopular team of hard luck heroes into a monthly event. Surrealism and superheroes reached an apex in this well-done series, and also showed us the meaning of "deceptively funny," where you laugh one minute and they cry like a little kid the next. And rightly so.

Often imitated, never duplicated, and something everyone should read. That's Morrison's run on Doom Patrol. Gamble one and a half franklins and then tell me I'm wrong. 

Speaking of superhero teams you never heard much about, remember the backwards, evil "heroes" from Earth Whateverthe!@#$? You know, Ultraman, Superwoman, Power Ring, Johnny Quick... those cackling twerps whose attempts to take us over always !@#$ing failed because they just couldn't overcome our world's natural laws, any more than we could take over theirs?

(According to Grant Morrison, anyway, but I'll !@#$ing buy that for a dollar.)

Well, if you wondered why the !@#$ Geoff Johns set up certain things the way he did, when DC did the New 52 reboot, and why certain seemingly-stupid-as-!@#$ storylines went on as long as they did, if at all, it's so they could drop Forever Evil on us. An epic story of transplanar invasions, evil heroes, and villains doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, this is going to go down as one of the shining moments of the new era in DC comics, and its fallout has yet to really reach the end. Chock !@#$ing full of surprises, thrills, and scares, along with some really heartrending moments, this is a modern classic you need to pick up.

Remember the Illuminati? Those powerful stalwarts of the Marvel universe who decided they were going to get together, in secret, to solve the really big !@#$ problems of the world? And remember how, when they first got together, Black Panther not only declined their invitation, but also told them they were going to regret this? And remember how he was !@#$ing right?

Well, I sure as !@#$ do. And that's why it's super-ironic that, when he literally stumbles across a truly terrifying threat to the entire !@#$ing multiverse -- one exploding Earth at a time -- T'Challa does the one thing he said not to do, and assembles what's left of the Illuminati to gather in Wakanda and deal with this matter.

The series is New Avengers. The first collection is Everything Dies. And this is one of the best Marvel series going, right now, as it really puts our movers and shakers into a !@#$ing bad situation. For in order to save our Earth, the other Earth must be destroyed. And not all of them are uninhabited...

Brutal, cosmic, and mindblowing. That's what Hickman brings to the table. Steve Epting's art is top notch, here, too. And, with the news that we're getting a Black Panther movie, this would be perfect to give someone to explain why this is a !@#$ good thing, as it shows T'Challa in all his strengths and complexities. Especially when he has to deal with that !@#$er Namor.

Yes, this series has been going on for a while. You should already be !@#$ing getting it every !@#$ month, for !@#$'s sake, and I shouldn't have to tell you !@#$ing why.

(Space opera done right, son. A perfect synthesis of story and art. Great characters and a universe that just keeps getting more interesting. A man and a woman from opposing sides in a long !@#$ war, their child, and the strange family they've accumulated. A spaceship made from a !@#$ing tree. I mean, come on...)

But I have some good news, just in time for holiday shopping. Thanks to Image, you can get the first 18 issues in Saga Book One, which would be a great way to get someone the big !@#$ gift that this series truly is in their hands. It would also look handsome on your big !@#$ comics shelf, and give your issues and TPBs a real break.

So please look for this and put it in someone's hands. With a big red bow. And the understanding that once they read it, you won't see them for a few days, and then they'll want to go to the comic store and put this on their !@#$ing pull, like now. 

You're welcome.  

And you thought your superpower was !@#$ weird? Well, here's a new one for you: post-coital time stoppage.

Yes, you read that right. When our main character has sex, the world literally stands still for her. Normally, she just considers this a !@#$ing nuisance, but one could get up to all kinds of hi-jinx if one was so disposed.

And when comes the day she meets another person who has the same power. Which is cool in a lot of ways, except that he's been doing things with his extra time. And when an economic crunch happens, and some money needs to be made, well... wouldn't you go be naughty?

Maybe. But there are others just like them. Somehow they know who they are and what they're up to. And they've been doing this dirty !@#$ a lot longer than our heroes, and know more tricks...

It's Sex Criminals: Vol 1: One Weird Trick (Image). It's a great, human story from Matt Fraction, excellent art from Chip Zdarsky, and an excellent tale of sexual awakening, power and responsibility, and just plain getting off that I've read in a long while, if !@#$ing ever.

Speaking of anthropomorphics, here's one of the best.

Usagi is a rabbit ronin in feudal Japan, trying to make his way through a dangerous world, avenge his fallen master, and regain his honor. It's an amazing saga, full of hope and heart, and while the art may be cute, it is not a kid's story. In fact, it can get really !@#$ing dark, which is why the art acts as such a counterpoint to the goings-on.

Sold yet? Well, you !@#$ing well should be. Stan Sakai is a national treasure, and should be feted and applauded at all turns for having put this great work out for all those years. Do us all a favor and put Usagi Yojimbo Saga 1 (Dark Horse) in someone's hands this season. You will not be sorry. 

* * *

And I would also be remiss in my duties if I didn't remind you that Marvel has been kind enough to reprint Miracleman by Alan "The Original Writer" Moore and diverse !@#$ing art hands. So if you spent all those years wondering when Todd McFarlane, Neil Gaiman, and !@#$ knows who else were going to end their massive tug-of-war over the properties and actually let us get this comic back out there? Well, now it is. And you can get A Dream of Flying and The Red King Syndrome in hardcover, along with a bunch of other cool !@#$ Moore did alongside those works.

Why is this a big deal? Well, other than it's been OOP since Eclipse went !@#$ing belly-up all those years ago, it's the first time Alan Moore really went ape!@#$ on the hero genre, with amazing results. Squint your eyes and you can see the DNA of Dr. Manhattan, Swamp Thing, and a number of other characters and works Moore did later. Or just !@#$ing enjoy this epic rumination on what it really means to be a god in a world of men, and how such a being should act when push comes to !@#$ing shove.

Other than that? Have a good and safe Thanksgiving, and we'll see you back here next week.

And whatever you do? Don't forget to get these comics at your local comic store. They would really appreciate your business, this season.

11/18/14 - 100 Bullets Book One (DC/Vertigo)

I've been playing this big !@#$ spy game for a long !@#$ing time, now, son. I've seen things you wouldn't !@#$ing believe, been places you've never even thought of, met people you never !@#$ing heard of, and done some things you really don't want to !@#$ing know about.

And that's just before breakfast, most days. 

So if there's one thing I can say with some degree of truth (other than trust no one, don't bring a knife to a !@#$ing gunfight, never trust your handler any further than you could spit his !@#$ing corpse, and do not eat the house special if you can't speak the language) it's that while it's true that the one thing more dangerous than a foreign agent is a turned agent, it's also true that a rogue agent is ten times as !@#$ing dangerous than the two of them put together.

Why? Well, consider this.

Your average foreign agent? He's either a fixture in the embassy, pretending to be a !@#$ secretary's secretary, or else hiding in a !@#$ing rented office, somewhere, pretending to be part of some new foreign business getting set up a stones' throw from some government building. In either case, they spend their day getting the morons they promised money, a new life, and a !@#$ lap dance with someone from !@#$ing Baywatch to do what they want, but otherwise they're as useless as !@#$s on a horse, unless you're into that sort of thing.

And some of you clearly !@#$ing are.

Tradecraft? Some, obviously. But he doesn't do hardcore superspy James Bond !@#$ because he knows he'll get !@#$ing caught, unless he's obscenely lucky. The most cloak and dagger he'll do is set up clandestine talks with his Harolds, arrange a dead-drop, and be ready to burn the whole site and arrange to have his stooges capped by some really scary gorilla of a cleaner if the situation goes nose down and butt up, right into a sea of !@#$.

And your average turned agent? Well, yeah, they're dangerous because they have all the !@#$ing toys, know where the bodies are buried, and can fix !@#$ to happen the way their new paymasters want things to go. But in the end, they're playing a really !@#$ dangerous game, serving two masters they can't let know about each other. This hamstrings their effectiveness quite a bit, as you might !@#$ing imagine.

Once voted "most likely to get !@#$ing caught"

But let's consider the rogue agent, for a bit.

Supposing someone decides, for whatever !@#$ reason, that they're going to take all the knowledge, know-how, and resources at their disposal to go do things they want to do, for reasons of their own? Supposing they do missions their way, and get results, but don't tell their bosses all the !@#$ that really went down because they have their own agenda? Supposing they don't have to share that agenda with a foreign power that's got its own agenda, unless getting into bed with them was the idea all along?

And supposing this self-serving !@#$ goes on for years, maybe even decades, before they drop the mother of all !@#$ing mikes behind them as they slink out the back door, never to be seen again?

Oddly enough, he looks nothing like Sam Neill

Someone like that is massively dangerous, son. At least a foreign agent can be uncovered, depantsed, and either sent back home or vanished. At least a turned agent can be uncovered when the stories get a little too !@#$ing thin on one or both sides, and dealt with accordingly. But if you've got someone who knows how the system works, and makes it work for them so !@#$ing skillfully that no one has any !@#$ idea that they're crooked?

Well, you could be in for a lot of bad !@#$ in your face when the fan finally starts to go around. And that's all I'm going to say about that, at least not without a big !@#$ing drink in my hand.

But while I do have such a drink within reach, let me tell you one more thing. And that's that the only thing more dangerous than a rogue agent is a rogue agent that everyone thinks is !@#$ing dead.

"That sounds like my cue to come into this review..."

And on that note, let me introduce you to Agent Graves, and then tell you why 100 Bullets was one of the best graphic novels about a rogue agent that I've ever !@#$ing read.

He's !@#$ old, he's well-dressed, and he has steel in his !@#$ing eyes. He reminds you of an old pair of shoes that still work, in spite of all the years, but that you're sort of afraid to wear. And he has a commanding presence, a keen turn of phrase, and the best come-on line you may ever hear: "How would you like to kill someone and get away with it?"

Now, that might not mean a whole !@#$ of a lot to you. But supposing you're someone who had a life, and lost it? Supposing you're someone who has a massive !@#$ing injustice perpetrated upon you, and can't get back up to where you were because what's stacked against you is too tall to climb, and too connected to touch? What if you got screwed by unseen forces, and had to deal with the bad hand you got !@#$ing handed?

And then suppose you are given a briefcase, containing incontrovertible evidence of how you got done wrong, and who did it to you? Supposing also that this briefcase contained a gun, and 100 bullets? And supposing that no matter what you did with those bullets, no police or federal agency could contain or control you for more than a day or so, and they'd just let you go, all charges dropped?

"What do you do? What do you do?"

That's how this all starts. But as you read through the stories in this first, reprinted volume of the series, it soon becomes clear there is lot more going on that some urban Santa Claus handing out revenge instead of toy cars, this Christmas.

A metric !@#$-ton of a lot more.

Because, as we meet the same characters from story arc to story arc, and we find out more and more about this secret, ultra-powerful world that has been existing right behind ours, all this time, it becomes clear that all this !@#$ is connected.

Graves isn't just handing out justice to people who got !@#$ed over. He's got a grand design in mind, and if ordinary people get used to make it happen, well... !@#$ it, and !@#$ them.

"No need to ask / He's a smooth operator."

That, in a nutshell, is 100 Bullets, and, at last, DC/Vertigo is re-releasing it, the same way they're doing with Swamp Thing, Lucifer, and Preacher -- putting out larger trade paperbacks that combine at least two (or one and a half) of the old format TPs. Which means everyone who missed out on this modern crime/conspiracy/intrigue classic can pick up 100 Bullets Book One, and finally see what all the !@#$ fuss is about. And those who sold their comics for beer money when they were young, stupid, and didn't know any !@#$ing better can finally redeem themselves.

So what can you look forward to? Well, I could tell you about the compelling characters, the heroes that aren't good and the villains that you love to hate, and the politico-criminal empire at the center of it all, but that would be !@#$ing telling.

But let me break it down for you, SPYGOD style:

1) The Storytelling.

Yes, son, I normally say "the writing." But Brian Azzarello has put this story together so !@#$ well I'm going to !@#$ing call it by its rightful name.

You see, any schmuck with a looming deadline can throw together a !@#$ing issue and then go on to the next one, the next one, and the next one after that. But there are a few people who can actually make a big !@#$ plan, some time in advance, and have it play out, month after month, so that all the pieces fit when you look back at it. And !@#$ing seamlessly at that.

What you get from all that work is a series that, while one got the feeling it went on a chapter or two too long, never ceased to amaze or puzzle. We stayed !@#$ing riveted as the plot thicked, and the pieces of Graves' invisible plan came together, flew apart, and remade themselves on the go. We were happy to see the bit players become major players, grow from their experiences, and grow on us readers. And while it seemed to take !@#$ing forever for the long-awaited final showdown to happen, it went down the only way it could, and rightly so.

And as for the villains, well, it's got plenty, and sometimes you don't know whether to cheer them on, weep for them, hope they got their clocks shot out, or all three at !@#$ing once.

And he ain't being !@#$ing metaphorical, son.

2) The Art

Eduardo Risso is a !@#$ing genius, son, and that's pretty much all there is to it. He brilliantly captured what this whole !@#$ing story was about for all those years, consistently getting better as he went along.

His layouts were well constructed, so that one frame seamlessly slid into another. His characterization was !@#$ing flawless, so that you only needed to take one look at the way he drew someone to know what they were all about. And he made every panel a !@#$ing crime noir party.

Not convinced, yet? Well, this is all that needs to be said:

You wouldn't argue with a high-rolling, smooth-talking mega-mobster with a gun, would you?


3) The Worldbuilding

Does this fall under storytelling? Maybe, maybe not. But the more you read this work, the more you come to be !@#$ing amazed at how much time Azzarello put into it.

It's like he figured out ahead of time what to tell us at every step of the way. We were informed in little pieces, but still kept aware that there was just so much we didn't know. And that kept us at the edge of our !@#$ing seats for each new revelation as Graves' twisted plan swept up, or aside, all these pieces of human wreckage that we came to love or hate, sometimes both.

Put it this way, son: as the story started to drag, several chapters down the way, I still had to !@#$ing know who someone was to whom, what was going on between them, and what that might mean in the larger picture, much less the final !@#$ing act. And I kept coming back, month after month, needing to know more.

Can you say anything better about a story? I !@#$ing think not.

SPYGOD's Verdict: Three mother!@#$ing thumbs up for the stunning, first act of a compelling, well-structured crime/conspiracy story that takes all the old noir conventions and turns either turns them on their ear or jacks their volume up to "earthshaking." The art is nothing less than amazing, the characters run deeper than you know, and the invisible connections between them all will have you re-reading this to see what you missed the first, second, and third times around. Truly excellent work.

100 Bullets Book One -- get the trade paperback at your local comic store!