11/24/14 - Big !@#$ Black Friday Book Bonanza 2014

Well, it's that !@#$ing time of year again, son. Time to round up the relatives, set the !@#$ table, place your bets on who's going to start a fight over the !@#$ing Lions game, and make so much !@#$ food that you got enough to feed everyone leftovers until the middle of !@#$ing December.

Thanksgiving, we like to call it. A uniquely American holiday, unless you're from Canada, in which case !@#$ you, ours is better. Because I said so. And poutine doesn't go well with turkey, anyway.

Anyway, it's kind of a subdued Thanksgiving for us, here at Casa del SPYGOD, due to being under !@#$ing house arrest and all. Just me, my man, my cat, and those two stupid !@#$ers outside who insist on checking everything that goes in and out.

As a result. I can't guarantee the turkey we whistled up from the !@#$ing Chinese butcher down in on 4th is going to be in great shape when it comes through the door. But as soon as they realize it's still alive, mutated, frothing at the mouth rabid, and armed to the !@#$ teeth, they might not be in such great shape, either.

(We chase the !@#$ turkey around the kitchen with cleavers, hack it to !@#$ing pieces, and then sew it back together, stuff it with wild herb and mushroom stuffing, and baste it with !@#$ing whiskey. Don't quibble until you try some, son. It's just how we do things here.)

Others have more prosaic traditions.

But we'll be having a !@#$ good time, here. There will be food and fun and laughter and joy and a whole lot of !@#$ing dishes to wash. We'll enjoy my psychotic grandmother's garlic and lemon green beans, my lover's special thai creamy mashed potatoes with green curry gravy, and a pumpkin pie that even Joe Stalin could use to !@#$ing bribe his way out of Hell.

(Meanwhile, the cat will be contributing kitchen mayhem, followed by demon hairballs, sad looks during the long cooking process, and the ability to !@#$ing scarf everything down in less than a !@#$ minute if we turn our backs for that long. !@#$ing beast.)

And don't despair about that silly trial, coming up. We might be spending Thanksgiving here, but I have no !@#$ing intention of being here for Christmas. And that's all I'll !@#$ing say about that. For now...

But once Thanksgiving is over, there's the next day to consider. I'm sure you know what I'm !@#$ing talking about, too. Black Friday, in which your friends and neighbors suddenly decide that all those years of borrowing one another's !@#$ing lawn mower is not as !@#$ing important as getting their hands on the Cabbage Patch doll before you do.

"Give us to your children. Your precious, little children. We will show them things you can't explain. For Satan."

Now, it !@#$ing occurred to me that, since you're going to be out !@#$ing shopping, you might want to think about getting people some !@#$ing excellent comics. And while this is the season for them to be putting out all kinds of huge hardcovers, special packages, and other such things, there's also a lot of really good !@#$ that won't cost you a god!@#$ arm and leg.

So rather that spend time talking about one thing you might want to get the comic reader in your family, I'm going to tell you about a whole bunch of them. I can't do an in-depth review of !@#$ing everything that comes out, after all. And there's some really !@#$ good stuff that I just flat out missed, this year.

In some !@#$ing semblance of non-order, then...

Hey, wasn't it just the other week that I was !@#$ing going on about how !@#$ing good 100 Bullets was? Well, just our luck, Azzarello and Risso were kind enough to jump back into the !@#$ saddle for eight issues of more inspired mayhem, murder, and morality, starring our favorite villain.

 100 Bullets: Brother Lono (DC Vertigo) picks up the story some time after the climax of that series, and finds our "hero" lurking south of the border, in a town where the most horrific !@#$ imaginable goes on. But amazingly enough, he's not a part of it. After narrowly escaping death, he's on the straight and narrow, now, and helping out at a church of all places. But when the !@#$ starts coming down, how long can he hold back before the monster he's been starts coming to the surface again?

And what will !@#$ing happen when it does...?

This limited series brought it all !@#$ing home for me, and acts as a perfect epilogue of sorts for the whole series. The writing's top notch, as always, the art is as amazing as ever, and there's stuff in here that will make your heart stop beating. A fitting tribute for the man we all loved to !@#$ing hate.

So, have you been !@#$ing loving Superior Spider Man as much as I do? Hating it? Not !@#$ing sure? Well, regardless of how you felt about Peter Parker being a !@#$ ghost in his own body while Doctor Octopus called the shots, you will want to get your !@#$ing hands on the new series, in which Peter is back and better than ever!

Unfortunately, Pete's got some big !@#$ 'splaining to do. You see, while Doc Oc was in control, his being overwhelmed by Parker's memories made him want to try and be a !@#$ing superhero. He just had a really !@#$ing... unique way of going about it. So Peter's got to explain the dead criminals, the army of mercenaries, Spider Island, and all the lies he told all the people he loved and cared about. Including people Doc Oc was in love with, but Peter has no idea about. 

And wait until Black Cat gets back on her feet, as the Superior Spider Man put a beatdown on her she's not going to !@#$ing forget or forgive anytime soon...

The new series starts with Amazing Spider Man: The Parker Luck (Marvel), and it's a great continuation of the amazing !@#$ing work Dan Slott's been doing on this title for the past few years.

Another gem that came out this year was a magnificent collection of Warren Ellis' run on The Authority (DC): a superhero story that took the genre-expanding stuff Ellis had been doing on Stormwatch, kicked it up and down a !@#$ing wall, and then left it somewhat debased but happy for the experience.

Here's the deal, son. Stormwatch is in ruins, having fallen victim to the hubris of the Weatherman, as well as the carnage of what may be the worst !@#$ing crossover ever. So it's up to Jenny Sparks and a number of other heroes she's collected before and after the whole !@#$ing thing came down to stand up and save the world. But if they're going to save it, it !@#$ well better be worth saving, which means they're going to be a little more proactive than some would like.

Ellis takes the action cinematic, and Bryan Hitch's art is top notch, but what really stands out is how this comic !@#$ing takes no prisoners, and pulls no punches. Future writers tried to carry on the legacy from these 12 issues, including tackling the "save the world from itself" idea Sparks threatened, but never got it as good as these were, either in spirit or execution. You could be forgiven for pretending that the series just ended here, except that Mark !@#$ing Millar and Frank god!@#$ Quitely got involved after that, and... well, you can make up your own !@#$ mind about that.

But this, here? It belongs on your shelf, along with Watchmen, Maus, and Sandman: stories that took the medium as we understood it and did something !@#$ing different with them. Buy it, savor it, and then understand why some of us snort and laugh when a bunch of heroes try to change the !@$# world.

Because Warren Ellis already !@#$ing went there, and did it perfectly. So there.

Who's Blacksad? Oh, son. Sometimes I despair. Truly. *sigh*

Okay, try this on for size. Imagine someone was going to !@#$ing tell a no-punches-pulled story of a 1950's semi-hardboiled private eye. But imagine that they were going to do this anthropomorphic style, with a grimy, gumshoe world full of animals. And imagine it was going to have the feel of good, early 80's Heavy Metal, only a lot more hopeful and soulful than most of the stories you read there?

Well, that's Blacksad -- John Blacksad to you. And in this third collection (Blacksad: Amarillo {Dark Horse}) he's trying to !@#$ing to get his head back on straight after some really bad !@#$ went down. On a whim, he takes a "case" of driving some rich guy's car back to Texas, but things get really !@#$ complicated real !@#$ing quick when some beat writer on the run steals the car. And when the writer does something bad using it, well... all kinds of trouble comes John's way.

As !@#$ing usual.

I'm not !@#$ing telling you any more than that. All I will say is that these comics are utterly charming, in a hardboiled noir kind of way, with characters you'll love and love to hate, a moral center that shines through (however grimy) and some really !@#$ good art. Any time one of these gets translated and sent over to this side of the pond, I !@#$ing cheer. Get someone Amarillo and read through it first, and you'll see why. You'll even get one for yourself.

Now, while I did say that we'd be trying to go !@#$ing easy on your wallet, here, there's an important !@#$ exception, here. DC Vertigo has been kind enough to put the entirety of Grant Morrison's epic, genre-breaking run on Doom Patrol into omnibus format. And while you might want to scream abuse at the big !@#$ price tag ($150 American) I can guarantee you that, just like the Invisibles one they did a couple years ago, this is money well spent.

Why? Well !@#$, son, where have you been? This is where Grant showed us that he could take the deconstruction he did on Animal Man a step further, turning a seminal but strangely unpopular team of hard luck heroes into a monthly event. Surrealism and superheroes reached an apex in this well-done series, and also showed us the meaning of "deceptively funny," where you laugh one minute and they cry like a little kid the next. And rightly so.

Often imitated, never duplicated, and something everyone should read. That's Morrison's run on Doom Patrol. Gamble one and a half franklins and then tell me I'm wrong. 

Speaking of superhero teams you never heard much about, remember the backwards, evil "heroes" from Earth Whateverthe!@#$? You know, Ultraman, Superwoman, Power Ring, Johnny Quick... those cackling twerps whose attempts to take us over always !@#$ing failed because they just couldn't overcome our world's natural laws, any more than we could take over theirs?

(According to Grant Morrison, anyway, but I'll !@#$ing buy that for a dollar.)

Well, if you wondered why the !@#$ Geoff Johns set up certain things the way he did, when DC did the New 52 reboot, and why certain seemingly-stupid-as-!@#$ storylines went on as long as they did, if at all, it's so they could drop Forever Evil on us. An epic story of transplanar invasions, evil heroes, and villains doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, this is going to go down as one of the shining moments of the new era in DC comics, and its fallout has yet to really reach the end. Chock !@#$ing full of surprises, thrills, and scares, along with some really heartrending moments, this is a modern classic you need to pick up.

Remember the Illuminati? Those powerful stalwarts of the Marvel universe who decided they were going to get together, in secret, to solve the really big !@#$ problems of the world? And remember how, when they first got together, Black Panther not only declined their invitation, but also told them they were going to regret this? And remember how he was !@#$ing right?

Well, I sure as !@#$ do. And that's why it's super-ironic that, when he literally stumbles across a truly terrifying threat to the entire !@#$ing multiverse -- one exploding Earth at a time -- T'Challa does the one thing he said not to do, and assembles what's left of the Illuminati to gather in Wakanda and deal with this matter.

The series is New Avengers. The first collection is Everything Dies. And this is one of the best Marvel series going, right now, as it really puts our movers and shakers into a !@#$ing bad situation. For in order to save our Earth, the other Earth must be destroyed. And not all of them are uninhabited...

Brutal, cosmic, and mindblowing. That's what Hickman brings to the table. Steve Epting's art is top notch, here, too. And, with the news that we're getting a Black Panther movie, this would be perfect to give someone to explain why this is a !@#$ good thing, as it shows T'Challa in all his strengths and complexities. Especially when he has to deal with that !@#$er Namor.

Yes, this series has been going on for a while. You should already be !@#$ing getting it every !@#$ month, for !@#$'s sake, and I shouldn't have to tell you !@#$ing why.

(Space opera done right, son. A perfect synthesis of story and art. Great characters and a universe that just keeps getting more interesting. A man and a woman from opposing sides in a long !@#$ war, their child, and the strange family they've accumulated. A spaceship made from a !@#$ing tree. I mean, come on...)

But I have some good news, just in time for holiday shopping. Thanks to Image, you can get the first 18 issues in Saga Book One, which would be a great way to get someone the big !@#$ gift that this series truly is in their hands. It would also look handsome on your big !@#$ comics shelf, and give your issues and TPBs a real break.

So please look for this and put it in someone's hands. With a big red bow. And the understanding that once they read it, you won't see them for a few days, and then they'll want to go to the comic store and put this on their !@#$ing pull, like now. 

You're welcome.  

And you thought your superpower was !@#$ weird? Well, here's a new one for you: post-coital time stoppage.

Yes, you read that right. When our main character has sex, the world literally stands still for her. Normally, she just considers this a !@#$ing nuisance, but one could get up to all kinds of hi-jinx if one was so disposed.

And when comes the day she meets another person who has the same power. Which is cool in a lot of ways, except that he's been doing things with his extra time. And when an economic crunch happens, and some money needs to be made, well... wouldn't you go be naughty?

Maybe. But there are others just like them. Somehow they know who they are and what they're up to. And they've been doing this dirty !@#$ a lot longer than our heroes, and know more tricks...

It's Sex Criminals: Vol 1: One Weird Trick (Image). It's a great, human story from Matt Fraction, excellent art from Chip Zdarsky, and an excellent tale of sexual awakening, power and responsibility, and just plain getting off that I've read in a long while, if !@#$ing ever.

Speaking of anthropomorphics, here's one of the best.

Usagi is a rabbit ronin in feudal Japan, trying to make his way through a dangerous world, avenge his fallen master, and regain his honor. It's an amazing saga, full of hope and heart, and while the art may be cute, it is not a kid's story. In fact, it can get really !@#$ing dark, which is why the art acts as such a counterpoint to the goings-on.

Sold yet? Well, you !@#$ing well should be. Stan Sakai is a national treasure, and should be feted and applauded at all turns for having put this great work out for all those years. Do us all a favor and put Usagi Yojimbo Saga 1 (Dark Horse) in someone's hands this season. You will not be sorry. 

* * *

And I would also be remiss in my duties if I didn't remind you that Marvel has been kind enough to reprint Miracleman by Alan "The Original Writer" Moore and diverse !@#$ing art hands. So if you spent all those years wondering when Todd McFarlane, Neil Gaiman, and !@#$ knows who else were going to end their massive tug-of-war over the properties and actually let us get this comic back out there? Well, now it is. And you can get A Dream of Flying and The Red King Syndrome in hardcover, along with a bunch of other cool !@#$ Moore did alongside those works.

Why is this a big deal? Well, other than it's been OOP since Eclipse went !@#$ing belly-up all those years ago, it's the first time Alan Moore really went ape!@#$ on the hero genre, with amazing results. Squint your eyes and you can see the DNA of Dr. Manhattan, Swamp Thing, and a number of other characters and works Moore did later. Or just !@#$ing enjoy this epic rumination on what it really means to be a god in a world of men, and how such a being should act when push comes to !@#$ing shove.

Other than that? Have a good and safe Thanksgiving, and we'll see you back here next week.

And whatever you do? Don't forget to get these comics at your local comic store. They would really appreciate your business, this season.

11/04/14 - The Walking Dead - Vol. 22: A New Beginning (Image)

Now, you've heard me !@#$ing talk about war, son. The War, Korea, Vietnam... !@#$, wars you never even !@#$ing heard of because they were secret, transdimensional, or got lost in some !@#$ing timeshift. 

Some are big !@#$ affairs, some are pretty !@#$ small. Some are smart, and some are !@#$ing stupid. Some take years, and some take days. And some even take just !@#$ing minutes, especially these days when so much warfare is !@#$ing computerized. 

(What, you think those Heptagon computers just hacked themselves?)

But there's one thing I can almost !@#$ing guarantee in any war, son, other than people are going to !@#$ing die. And that's that at some point, when things start !@#$ing your battle plans in the ear and asking for a god!@#$ reach-around, some !@#$hole with more smarts than sense is going to ask why they don't just reanimate the dead and send them off to fight, too.

Now, me, I shut that bull!@#$ up real !@#$ing quick. With a big !@#$ gun that says "For Use If Some !@#$hole Wants to Unleash a !@#$ing Zombie Apocalypse."

Also !@#$ useful for hailing a !@#$ cab in !@#$ing New Jersey at 3 in the AM.

So why don't I want a big !@#$ mess of patriotic zombies staggering after America's enemies? It's not like they're doing anything else, other than turning cold in a makeshift morgue next to the !@#$ing airport, now is it?

Well, apart from the fact that it !@#$ing destroys morale faster than announcing there's no !@#$ coffee in the mess this morning, and the god!@#$ smell, and the hazards of trying to !@#$ing keep them under control before you use them, and massively bad potential for blowback when they start !@#$ing munching on civilians, or your own living soldiers...?

!@#$, son, I can't think of a single !@#$ reason. Can you?

(And yes, son, that was some big !@#$ patented SPYGOD SARCASM at work, there.)

But no, son. If biological warfare is a !@#$ bad thing. Necrobiological warfare is a big !@#$ !@#$ing bad thing that must be avoided at all god!@#$ costs. Kill it with fire before it !@#$ing catches any General's attention, and kill the !@#$ General if he starts to think it's a good idea.

Let's put it this way. Even the !@#$ing Nazis had the good sense not to resort to that tactic, even when Berlin was !@#$ing surrounded and the Third Reich was about to go down like a three-dollar Thai hooker on bad speed.

This did not happen. Ignore all evidence to the contrary.

(And as for who has resorted to that tactic, well... that's another !@#$ing story for another !@#$ing day.)

But I tell you that to clear the air on where I stand on using so-called "resuscitated casualties" in wartime. !@#$ that noise from on high with the biggest !@#$ gun you can !@#$ing find, son. In the ear. For America. 

However, in the time-honored tradition of escapism, as much as I !@#$ing hate zombies, I sure love reading about them. And that's why I've really been !@#$ing enjoying The Walking Dead, which, while it has to win the prize for "worst back page description of the book's true contents ever," has been a fairly solid title for the last few years. 

By this time, you know what's going to happen when you crack the !@#$ cover. Rick will make bad decisions that seemed smart at the time. Others will grumble and go along with it, only to lose faith in him when things turn to !@#$ and people die. When he realizes they were !@#$ing right all along, he'll make amends and change his mind, things will get better. And then the next !@#$ crisis will come along, and the cycle will !@#$ing repeat itself.

(And, yes, Carl will !@#$ing sneak off and do something !@#$ stupid. Because that's how he rolls.)

"Hmmm... how can I ruin things for everyone today...?"

But here's a good !@#$ question, son: how the !@#$ do you top the All Out War storyline, which had Rick and his alliance narrowly winning out over the loathsomely charismatic Nagan, after several strategic fumbles by Rick, and possibly achieving some kind of peaceful, permanent settlement at last?

The answer is something I didn't !@#$ing see coming. You bring the story forward quite a few years, and reveal that Rick's small band of people have come out of that war stronger. In spite of all they've suffered, or maybe because of it, they've developed a static community. 

They have soldiers and scouts, bakers and blacksmiths, and everyone seems to have a garden going, somewhere. They've figured out a way to actually herd the dead, too, which keeps them away from their front gates.  

Of course, the herding isn't without its hazards. It just so happens they drive the !@#$ing ocean of rotten meat into a small band of survivors, whom they take under their wing and back to the community. And while everyone seems happy to see them (though certain suspicions are hard to shake) the newcomers seem quite convinced that this all seems too perfect, and that there must be a catch, somewhere...

"Hey, didn't the Library of Alexandria burn down?" "Holy !@#$, we're doomed."

Now, does that sound !@#$ing familiar or what? 

There's more I could say, but I'm not going to. It's enough to say that if you've been a longtime fan of this series, A New Beginning will prove a !@#$ enjoyable read, filled with the same kind of thrills, chills, drama, and sense of impending doom you've come to expect from The Walking Dead, plus some genuine shocks and surprises.

But let me break it down for you, SPYGOD Style: 

1) The Writing: 

Like I said above, you know what you're going to get, by now. The people you love and care about will come under fire, and possibly die. The people you want to smarten up won't, the people you wish would get a clue only do after someone's had their !@#$ing face eaten off. And as soon as you think everything's settled and stable, someone, somewhere, is going to find a way to !@#$ it up.

A New Beginning turns this dread up a notch by asking three massive questions: "Will this keep working?" "What the !@#$ happened?" and, most importantly, "How will this go !@#$ing wrong?"

To its credit, it does not answer all these questions at once. They carefully string you along, slowly revealing one character after another, and showing a little of what the intervening years has done. Some are better off, some are worse, some are about the same, and some are !@#$ing altogether absent, which is pretty !@#$ ominous in certain cases.

And as for the last question, remember that Nagan is still alive, down in that basement cell where Rick told him he'd be spending the rest of his days...

2) The Art:

Sometimes black and white art does not work with a story. The lack of color leaves the art washed out and thin, or else blocky. And when you have bad art in a graphic novel, well, that's just !@#$ing off-putting, son. It makes a great script seem less, and a mediocre script totally !@#$ty.

(Look at the treatment on Max Brooks' sadly so-so Harlem Hellfighters for an object lesson in the latter. Or, closer to home in this case, the first artist on this series, whose work seems almost cartoony in comparison.)

But sometimes it works amazingly well, and actually makes the story work better. Even in a situation where there's blood and guts flying everywhere, the black and white somehow add to the horror, rather than detract from it. In fact, it's a !@#$ing amazing testament to Charlie Adlard's skills that he can somehow make the grue even more compelling without color, as well as give us a feel of a world run down, where dirty people wade through !@#$ and gore to get through just another !@#$ day.

It's like having Albrecht Durer drop by every !@#$ month and do a triptych, son.

And that all adds up to...

3) The Dread: 

Yes, this is like the second or third !@#$ing time I've mentioned this, son. But I'm going to keep coming back to this !@#$ing point, because it's something that not a lot of horror comics can say.

You see, real horror is like real comedy: it's !@#$ing hard to pull off in any medium, much less a comic book. Anyone can horrify you with shocks, sicken you with gore, or succeed in making you so terrified that you're almost too !@#$ing scared to turn the !@#$ page. But is takes a special kind of writing prowess to make you !@#$ing care enough about the characters that you dread their possible demise, and must wade through the intervening awfulness to find out what happens next.

And that's the reason why, when I hear there's a new The Walking Dead TPB on the shelf, I drop whatever the !@#$ I'm doing and read it first. Because I have to know what happens. Because I am literally scared !@#$less for the characters.

Even the horse, son. Especially the horse.

 And even if I joke about Carl's favorite pastime of "do something really !@#$ stupid," I still want the poor, one-eyed son of a !@#$ to live through the experience.

So yes, son. The Walking Dead succeeds as a horror comic because it compels us to keep reading, in spite of our fears. The only other horror title I dropped everything for was the first Crossed series, back before the franchise was ruined by people who don't have a !@#$ing tenth of Garth Ennis' twisted talent.

I feel the same way about this series, and, coming from me, that's a high complement that you can frame on the !@#$ing wall.

SPYGOD's Verdict: Three thumbs up for a new trick from a reliable, old dog of a title that may not have many issues left, but is going to drag its fans along for every last foot of it with its superior writing and amazing art. A New Beginning shakes up the status quo and makes just that much more scared to read it, but unable to look away.

The Walking Dead  Vol 22: A New Beginning - get the trade paperback at your local comic store!

9/15/14 - Sex, Vol. 2 - Supercool (Image)

Stop laughing, son. 

No, really. Stop !@#$ing laughing, right the !@#$ now. Don't make me come over there and beat you over the !@#$ head with an unexpurgated copy of the Kama Sutra until your brains splatter all over your lap. 

(They will, too. This think weighs a !@#$ing ton. I use it to prop open my bedroom door.)

Why? Because sex is no laughing matter, son. I firmly encourage my Agents to have full and fulfilling sex lives, even if I have to nudge them towards happiness with a double-barreled shotgun, a few shots of something !@#$ high-proof, and all the god!@#$ hints in the world. Like "Charley in the Vehicle Depot wants to bang you like the world's about to end. Go buy him a !@#$ing drink, you !@#$ moron."

(Just call me the three-fisted Hookup Fairy, son. I've been !@#$ing called worse.)

"No, really. She likes you. Call or I shoot."

But yes, I like sex. I like it a lot. Especially at La Casa Del SPYGOD, where it's going on practically all the time. I !@#$ing thank God on a daily basis that my boyfriend's a !@#$ing cyborg or we'd both be in the hospital by now. And probably being !@#$ing videotaped by those weirdos they have doing after-hours nurse rounds, no doubt.

So when I !@#$ing heard there was a comic based on the sex life of supers? And it was called Sex, just so you had no doubt what the !@#$ was going on? Well, !@#$, son, you know I had to get my hands on that. After all, I figured that, even if it sucked !@#$ing !@#$, it'd at least be an interesting diversion.

Thankfully (and pardon the !@#$ pun) Sex does not !@#$ing suck. In fact, it's one of the better !@#$ mature supers titles I've been reading over the last year -- taking over from such notable, bygone works as The Boys, Ex Machina, and The Authority, and worthy of reading alongside such ongoing concerns as Sex Criminals and Empowered.

At its bare essentials (*cough* sorry), Sex is about Simon Cooke -- billionaire owner of a massively-profitable company -- who also happens to have been a hero called the Armored Saint, quite a few years ago. He got the !@#$ out of the supers racket for various reasons, leaving behind a questionable mentor, an over-eager sidekick, and any number of serious villains who are still out there, causing !@#$. And while he has no !@#$ing interest in getting back into costume, the business he left unfinished in Saturn City still wants to get into his business, if you know what I mean.

Ain't that the !@#$ing truth, son.

(And, yes, as you might guess by the title of the comic, part of his deal is really needing to get !@#$ing laid, good and hard.)

So now we're up to volume two -- Supercool -- in which the plot continues to !@#$ing thick. His former sidekick's making some serious moves to try and fight crime in the city, with or without him, and his former arch-villainess is dealing with problems with her escort service. And his super-smart executive assistant's maybe one or two steps away from finding out his secret, all the while making some of her own...

Meanwhile, down in the villains' lair, the Old Man is getting nasty with his attempts to figure it all out -- leading him to engage in some rather anal methods of getting information from his fellow supercriminals.

And if you think that's bad, imagine what's going on off-panel.

This leaves the poor Prank Addict in a bad way, as you might !@#$ing expect, but this man is clearly never down for the count. And as for those !@#$ Alpha Twins, well, let's just say we find out more about them, and some of it's downright dirty in more ways than one...

What, you expect me to give away all the plot? !@#$ you, son. Read the !@#$ book. !@#$, for that matter, pick it up every month, because this one's a keeper. Let me tell you why, SPYGOD Style. 

1) The Story

As you read Sex, you might get the idea that this is someone's more !@#$ing mature take on a certain other urban vigilante, and that maybe this is what they imagine goes on in a certain other crime-ridden city when the !@#$ lights go down and the costumes come the !@#$ off.

Not that you have to !@#$ing imagine, these days...

Well, you could be forgiven that, because that is how this comes across at times. But the thing is, they make it !@#$ing work. Under Joe Casey's well-considered pen, Sex avoids becoming a simple parody, and acts as both critique of the superhero genre as well as a good superhero story in its own !@#$ right. Even in those issues where it seems like nothing is happening, there's a whole lot of !@#$ going down, and some of the little things you miss early on snowball into some really !@#$ing epic mind!@#$s, further down the road.

(And the tribute to a certain cult movie in this collection is... well, you just have to see it to believe it.)

2) The Art

So if there's a lot of !@#$ing going on, how do they go about showing it off? Pretty !@#$ well, if you ask me.

The interior line art (mostly by Piotr Kowalski) is done in a very realistic manner, without a lot of posing and crazy stylized bull!@#$. This makes it feel very down-to-earth, in spite of its exotic (and, yes, !@#$ing erotic) subject matter, and grounds the series in a world we can believe in, most of the time.

However, that's what makes Sex's use of color so !@#$ interesting. They have a lot of fun with the coloring, here, which adds more than a little expressionism to the mix. I particularly like how they use colors to indicate emphasized words in the text, which may be some kind of code I haven't !@#$ing picked up on, yet, or is just a more interesting way to handle it other than bold.

And speaking of bold...

3) The Sex

Yes, son, there's a lot, and I mean a lot, of !@#$ing going on in this story.

Hot sex, tepid sex. Good sex, bad sex. Lovely sex, punishment sex. Sex for pleasure and reward, sex for pain and revenge. Stumbling in the dark sex, groovy hate !@#$s, deal making sex, deal breaking sex... sex sex sex, !@#$ing !@#$ing !@#$ing, and almost all of it as !@#$ing explicit as you can make it, whether it's beautiful, ugly, kind, or brutal, and whether you feel glad or ashamed for being aroused.

The kids call this "subtle." It doesn't happen often.

And, unlike other stories where they tried to make sex a major part of the plot and, frankly, failed to make it rise (*cough*) beyond mere gratuitousness (Codename: Knockout, I'm looking at you, here),  Sex succeeds in depicting its namesake because it's not mere titillation, nor fan service. As I see it, the nudity, sex, and its various consequences are both action and language -- happening alongside the plot as well as because of it. Call it 'symbolism,' if you want to get all !@#$ing arty on me (and duck being !@#$ing shot for it) but the flesh-on-flesh in this title is what makes it all hold together that much better -- elevating Sex from merely being a !@#$ excellent critique of the genre, and making it just that much more pointed of a work.

And I know you might think someone owes me the mother of all handjobs for that line, son, but it happens to be true. Pick up both trade paperbacks and tell me otherwise -- I !@#$ing dare you.

SPYGOD's Verdict: Three thumbs up for an excellent meditation on lapsed superheroism and its many consequences, coupled with the best extended, non-gratuitous uses of sexual (mis)conduct I've ever read in a superhero comic. Not for the faint of heart, but those who want to see an honest look at what happens when the lights go down in Saturn City should make this a monthly read.

Sex Vol. 2 - Supercool - Get the trade paperback at your local comic store!

7/11/14 - Velvet, Vol. 1 - Before the Living End (Image)

One thing you quickly learn in any spy organization is that you never, ever piss off the !@#$ secretary.

Why? Well, maybe you think the field agents are the !@#$, and maybe they are. Maybe they juggle a nation's security as easily as most frat boys play beer pong. Maybe they overthrow regimes and ferret out counterspies before breakfast.   

Maybe they can !@#$ing kill people from across the room with their !@#$ brains. 

Or the patented Sir Christopher Lee Look Of Death.

But tell me this, son -- who cleans up their reports for the boss? Who keeps track of who's doing what, and where, and the last time they called in? Who calls up at !@#$-all-o'clock to tell Number 14  that Number 13 hasn't checked in,or inform the boss that Number 6 really wants a god!@#$ vacation? 

Who remembers all the small details? Who sees the little inconsistencies? Who notices the long-term patterns? And who makes sure the office runs smooth as silk while you're in the other room, screaming down the horn at some poor !@#$ing schmuck who lost the person he was supposed to be tailing?   

That would be your secretary, son. The person who's paid to be your outboard brain. The most dangerous person in the whole !@#$ office.

And when they go rogue, it's bad !@#$ing news for everyone.

Do NOT read this letter. It will kill you.

(This is why SPYGOD does not have secretaries, son. I have Seconds. They basically run the show for me while I'm off strapping myself to man-missiles, shooting commies, and getting my fine gay !@#$ shot at for America. And they're so !@#$ busy with all that they don't have time to get any funny ideas) 

Which brings us to the case of one Velvet Templeton: personal secretary to the Director of ARC-7 -- an agency other spy organizations think is a big !@#$ myth. Their top agents don't exist, every op is black as night, and they have more cool toys than they know what to do with.   

They've also got a major !@#$ing problem. One of their best agents was just killed in the field, and it looks like a former agent might be responsible. And while that would be very much in fitting with the bleak poetry that defines the spy game, Velvet just doesn't think he's their man. 

Unfortunately, when she goes digging, suspecting a frame-up, she gets put right at the scene of another frame -- her own.

And this is where the !@#$ hits the fan, because as it turns out, Velvet Templeton wasn't always a secretary. She was once a field agent in her own right. And while it's been years since she did anything more dangerous than take the bus to work, there's nothing like having your own Agency trying to !@#$ing kill you to get the old instincts back online.

The right wardrobe helps -- a lot.

Hunted and hounded at almost every step, she takes it on the god!@#$ lam, working to retrace the dead agent's steps. Some time ago, on a long-forgotten operation, there was a day he couldn't quite account for. Someone must know what the !@#$ happened, then, and the answers to why he was killed will hopefully follow.

But with each step she takes to unravel this puzzle, her own !@#$ past begins to unravel as well. What happened to the dead agent may have something to do with one of her own dark secrets, long buried behind the facade of "personal secretary."   

Hopefully she can stay a step ahead of her own !@#$ people long enough to find out what's really going on here. But when you're up against a group like ARC-7, and still shaking off the rust of so many years, such hopes are few and fleeting, indeed. 

What else could I say about Velvet? Plenty more, but that'd ruin a number of genuine pleasures and surprises in what turned out to be a !@#$ good spy tale. And when I'm saying something like that, well, that's saying something, son.   

Put it this way -- when Velvet says that operatives hate to follow the rules, but yet are good at following orders? That's when you know they get it.

But let me break it down a little more for you: 

1) Believable Superspy Story: Believe you me, this is hard to pull off. So many people think it's all about guns, gadgets, disguises, and !@#$ing women with names like "Quim Sundae." And while they are in here (well, not poor Ms. Sundae) the creators understand that the game is more about having contacts, using assets, remembering the little things, and being willing to sacrifice anything and anyone to get the job done.   

2) 1970's Period Piece: While it's not always evident -- and that's probably a good thing -- the fact that this is set back in the 70's makes the tale a little more intriguing to me. No cell phones to steal, no PCs to hack, no internet to get all the answers from. There are no shortcuts, only tradecraft. And that is glorious.   

3) A Great Creative Team: What else could you expect from the creators of Captain America: the Winter Soldier? Brubaker's writing is stellar, here: well-paced and taut, with an excellent understanding of when to tell and when to show. And Epting's art is excellent, able to move from the shadows to the light in all the right spots, and stay well-grounded in a gritty realism that makes the leaps into superspy mode just that much more astounding.

"It's dark, and we're wearing superspy glasses."  "Hit it."

If you loved their run on Captain America, and wanted to see how they handle a full on spy tale that doesn't have powers or costumes? This is your ticket, son. Buy the !@#$ thing and get on board.

SPYGOD'S VERDICT: Two and a half thumbs up for a solid, exciting, period spy tale with top-notch art, excellent pacing, and a main character whose past never fails to surprise. Velvet's one to catch every month, provided you can keep up with her. 

Velvet Vol. 1: Before the Living End -- get it at your local comic store!

7/7/14 - Black Science, Vol. 1: How To Fall Forever (Image)

As I was saying just the other day, son, I !@#$ing hate dimensional travel. 

I mean, it's hard enough dealing with !@#$ in our own world, let alone anyone else's. But when you go leaping from one plane of reality into another, even if you wind up on the same !@#$ing planet you're always running the risk of altered history, social errors that can get your !@#$ killed, or worse, and crazy !@#$ you'd never even think of. Like having my fine, gay !@#$ chased through Ancient Greece by god!@#$ nazi robots riding giant worms.

(And no, son, we are not talking about that. If that was any more classified I'd have to shoot God in the face.)

Plus, there's the god!@#$ landings. It's not always like that one !@#$ movie where Snake Plissken and Ultron are going through the giant Egyptian space donut, and can send a robot ahead to check it the !@#$ out. Nine times out of ten you're just through and gone, on a literal wing and a prayer, with no !@#$ing telemetry at all

So the moment you jump through the portal, and land on the other end? Well, it's like jumping from a !@#$ing moving train, son. Maybe you're lucky and you land in a conveniently located pile of hay, but it's more likely you're going to hit the dirt on top of a big !@#$ pile of rocks.

Then, once you've gotten the !@#$ up, and found out half your !@#$ party's turned into mush or been eaten by mouths in the ground, you look down the tracks and see your train going away.

And then you say "Well !@#$, how the !@#$ are we going to get back, now?"

"Wait, what do you mean we can't !@#$ing call a cab?"

So yes, son. I hate it, hate it, hate it. With the power of a thousand big !@#$ burning suns, and all that !@#$. But maybe that's why I like reading about it, if only because I can !@#$ing enjoy it by remote, and not have to worry about fending off a legion of giant, Athenian inchworms with nothing but a can of Greek fire, two empty pistols, and a god!@#$ rock.

Which brings me to the first volume of what has to be, hands-down, the best !@#$ing dimensional travel story I have read in quite some time: the first volume of Black Science -- How to Fall Forever. It's another excellent science fiction offering from Image comics, which, in case you haven't been !@#$ing paying attention, is getting far, far away from simply being an nest of infighting creators who didn't want to deal with Marvel's bull!@#$, anymore.

What's going on? Well, here's this scientist, and he's managed to do something extremely ill-considered and illegal. He's made dimensional travel actually !@#$ing work, somehow, and is intent on using that knowledge to go exploring, and bring back amazing new things to the world.

"Come on, man. There are starving kids in Africa!"

All well and good, but there's just one problem -- the first trip out wasn't supposed to have this many people on it. Something went really !@#$ing wrong, in the lab, and now there's people stuck on another world that clearly have no business being there. Most notably his !@#$hole boss, as well as his own kids who really shoudn't have come along.

Yet another problem? The controls on their device have been smashed all to !@#$. So not only are they lost, but they have no control over where they are !@#$ing going, and the time they spend on each world is totally random.

But there's an even bigger problem than that. Those controls didn't get !@#$ing smashed by accident. One of the people on this trip is a !@#$ traitor, willing to kill them all to stop this experiment.

And how can you fight for your lives in a strange and hostile alien environment when one of the group is trying to knife the rest you in the back...?

How indeed, sweet William. How indeed.

I'm not !@#$ing saying anything more about the plot, itself, because to do so would ruin a lot of the great surprises and shocks this has in store. It's enough to say that it reminds me of Sliders crossed with the original Lost in Space, with a little bit of early Doctor Who mixed in for good measure. That and a !@#$ton of fighting, heavy language, and a story that's slowly unwound from well-timed flashbacks makes this a well-paced treat.

But I will say why this series really amazed me.

1) Sheer imagination. Being able to go to different !@#$ing dimensions gives a lot of chances to show off your writing and art chops, and Remender, Scalera, and White do not disappoint. There's more ideas in a single world they encounter than there are in most big box-office films, and the artists bring them to life with a great deal of verve.

2) Great Pulp. This is some brilliant, two-fisted stuff, here. It reminds me of 70's-era Heavy Metal magazine, back before it drank a big bottle of SUCK that it still hasn't quite voided from its system. And yet, unlike that magazine's output, which always amazed yet disheartened, this series has hope and humanity in equal measure -- essential ingredients if you want to care about the people, and their fates.

3) Who's dying next. Having read a lot of science fiction, and watched it on the screen, one slowly develops a sense of fatalism about certain kinds of characters. You know who's going to live, who's going to die; who's going to sacrifice themselves bravely, and who's just going to get offed for a shock. I'm happy to report that Black Science bucks this trend with all the force of an iron bull set up to 11. You really do not see most of the important character death coming, and the results are quite spectacular, in terms of what it brings to bear on the plot.

In short, Image Comics has itself another winner, here. If you've been digging Remender's high-WTF work on Uncanny Avengers, and were floored by his Dimension Z saga in Captain America, Black Science will show you what he can do when he doesn't have Marvel telling him to play nice. And if you've liked Scalera's other work, the glory he and Dean White get up to will have you drooling in anticipation for the next issue.

And maybe a few other things, besides...

SPYGOD'S VERDICT: Three thumbs up for a great concept that's amazingly well-executed, and has left me wanting a !@#$ of a lot more. This is one you should make a monthly buy.

Black Science vol 1 - How To Fall Forever - get it at your local comic store!