8/29/14 - Trillium - (DC/Vertigo)

Now son, you've heard me !@#$ing go on about dimensional travel, before, and how much I !@#$ing hate that !@#$? Walking through a big !@#$ space donut, landing !@#$ knows where, and discovering you're on a parallel Earth run by !@#$ing McDonalds, or some such? Having to survive in places where Hitler never lost, Rome never fell, and no one ever !@#$ing invented toilet paper? 

Well, let me tell you, there's one thing I !@#$ing hate more than space donuts, and that's !@#$ing time machines. Time travel makes me want to shoot things in the face, repeatedly. Every !@#$ time I go back I have to have a legion of people watching my every !@#$ move, just to make sure I don't !@#$ something up and create a parallel world of my own. 

And the complications are... well, let's just say there's a reason I get kind of misty when I think about President McKinley. And that's all I'm going to !@#$ing say about that. 

 

See if you can find me in this photo.

But, as with dimensional travel, even if you don't !@#$ing want to do it eve !@#$ing again, it's still fun to read about. And same with time travel, too. There's reasons SPYGOD makes time on Saturday nights to sit down and watch a certain BBC show. And there's reasons I force people to !@#$ing watch it with me at gunpoint. Because it's good for them, and I really !@#$ing care. A lot.

Which brings me to Trillium, the new graphic novel by Jeff Lemire -- a truly weird and mind-blowing dance of time, space, language, identity, and the far-reaching cosmic connections that bind us the !@#$ together.

So it's 3797, and the !@#$ has hit the fan. Humanity has mostly succumbed to a god!@#$ sentient virus called The Caul, and is down to about 4000 people - period. And this !@#$ing plague with a plan is creeping its !@#$ way from system to system, intent on stomping humanity underfoot and wiping us off its !@#$ing shoe.

"Wibbley Wobbly Timey Wimey" my bony !@#$! Get me out of here!

And here's the thing, son -- the only !@#$ing thing standing in its way is a bunch of white flowers, being watched over by a bunch of blue aliens with a !@#$ weird language. And some poor Xeniologist is trying to communicate with them so her people can take them and live, and do this before her superiors decide to go all "manifest destiny" and take them, hurt feelings or broken bodies be !@#$ed.

Thing is, it's also 1921, and a former soldier is trudging through the Amazon with a small expedition, trying to find the big !@#$ lost temple of the Incas. He had a really !@#$ing bad go of it during the Great War, and life in England since just hasn't done a !@#$ thing for him. So here he is, looking for something that may not exist, and then having his !@#$ handed to him by the locals, who aren't !@#$ing happy to have nosy white people walking on their !@#$ lawn.

One big !@#$ weird coincidence later, these two people come face to face in his time. They can't !@#$ing understand each other, and they're both confused as !@#$. But there's one word they both have in common: Trillium.

And that's when things get really !@#$ing weird...

Now, let me tell you something, son: Jeff Lemire is a !@#$ing treasure. Canada should insure his !@#$ hands and his head for a couple million dollars apiece. !@#$ knows, they'll do it for much less worthy individuals, some of who I wish they'd !@#$ing frog-march back across the border in chains and throw to the !@#$ bears. 

"SPYGOD, I'm taking away your gay card..."

 But if you were !@#$ing astounded by his work on Animal Man, and were incredibly grateful that he managed to not only salvage the !@#$-tastic mess they made of the Green Arrow reboot, but also knock it out of the !@#$ing park and all the way to the moon, you haven't seen anything until you see what he does when he writes and illustrates his own work. That's when the chains come off and he goes !@#$ wild. I'm thinking of things like Essex County, The Underwater Welder, and his last major work for Vertigo, the post-apocalyptic epic Sweet Tooth. They're trippy, heartfelt, and never less than outright !@#$ing astounding.

(Yes, son, I used that word twice. I'm !@#$ing allowed)

So why should you get the collected edition of Trillium? Let me break it the !@#$ down for you, SPYGOD style. 

1) The Story

I get really !@#$ing bored when someone wants to tell me a science fiction story, these days. I've been there, seen it, gotten the !@#$ t-shirt, and been orally serviced by some weird thing out behind the toilets while waiting for them to call my number and send me the !@#$ home. 

"I can make a film and make you my star /
You'll be a natural the way you are"

So when I say that this science fiction story is something that takes all the time travel tropes we've had shoved on us by !@#$ movies and lazy !@#$ novels, turns them upside down, and gives us something new and interesting? That's !@#$ing saying something.

This is an epic in every sense of the word. This some fierce !@#$ing imagining. There's one big !@#$ story masquerading as two, and yet the underscore of decency and humanity floats alongside it to bring you back to the !@#$ing ground in spite of the wonder. And that is an achievement.

2) The Art

 Yes, his art looks a little !@#$ing weird at times. He's got some !@#$ good drafting and style techniques, but the people all look like they've come off a big !@#$ bad drunk, and sometimes they all look the same from work to work.

But you know what, son? It !@#$ing works. The downbeat human presentation only serves to aid in his presenting creaky, old spaceships that are the last hope of the human race, or possibly its doom, or ancient temples that could be human and alien at the same time (maybe !@#$ing both), or whatever. His sense of realism underscores the fantastic, and makes it truly stand the !@#$ out.

That'll wake you the !@#$ up in the morning, alright.

3) The Audacity

When SPYGOD went to his friendly local comic shop, and bought the first issue, he was amazed to see that they'd played around with the format. The first part of that first issue was one way, covering one time period, and then met the second part halfway... from the back forward, for the other time period. You had to flip it upside !@#$ing down to read the whole thing, and see how they came together in the middle.

"A cheap gimmick," you say? Well !@#$ you. It works perfectly with the story, itself, and they mirrored that in future issues when they got separated in time (and yet still together, sort of) -- having you read the tops of the pages one way, and then read the bottom half the other. There were upside down panels interspersed with the normal ones. All kinds of visual tricks to disorient you, and yet bring you closer to the feeling you'd get when you have to wrap your !@#$ brain around this kind of !@#$.

Which was, if I'm not !@#$ing mistaken, kind of the idea all along.  And if so, well done.  

SPYGOD'S Verdict: Three thumbs up for a trippy, intricate, and truly weird tale that takes us to the far reaches of time and identity, but never loses its humanity along the way. Lemire's excellent storytelling is top notch, and his already-formidable art and design hits a new benchmark, here.

Trillium - get the trade paperback at your local comic store!

7/31/14 - Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy

As those of you !@#$ers who are lucky enough to read my semi-regular dispatches from super-spy country will know, old Uncle SPYGOD's got a more-than-!@#$ing-passing familiarity with space opera bull!@#$. Not only do I have a boyfriend who used to keep the whole !@#$ planet safe from alien invaders, big !@#$ asteroids, and weird outer-space !@#$ that'd come along and try to eat Kuala Lumpur, or something, but when he !@#$ed up and missed something too small for Deep-Ten to see coming, I got to clean up his mess on the ground.

(Made for some really !@#$ interesting pillow talk when we first hooked up, let me tell you.)

So yes, son, I know from crazy outer space !@#$. And so when I say that Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy has turned out to be some grade-A, top prime, Over The !@#$ Top and Through The Woods to Grandmother's Big !@#$ Jacuzzi crazy outer space !@#$, you should just nod, smile, and buy a ticket for everyone you can think of. 

"Ill take two large drinks and a medium popcorn, mother!@#$er."

Why? Well, let's break this !@#$er down for you, here: (Some light spoilers apply)

It's got a guy you can root for, for starters. Peter Quill -- aka Starlord -- is just your average person, provided your average person was !@#$ing kidnapped out of a hospital lawn when he wasn't even old enough to shave, yet, and put to work by a bunch of hardscrabble alien types. All he's got to remind him of Earth (Terra, as they say out in the black) is an Awesome Mix Tape of 70's tunes, and memories of his dying mother.

Of course, this guy grows up wild and a little weird. He also thinks he's a master thief, and he might be right. But when he goes to get some mysterious orb from a dead world on behalf of his kidnappers-turned-friends, and then not only deals with some unexpected resistance, and pulls a double-cross on his partners, well... before you know it, every mother!@#$er who either wants the orb, the bounty on his head, or his !@#$ on a stick decides to chase him to get it -- with interesting results. 

And this, in time, leads to Quill being tossed into the mother of all bas!@#$ space prisons with the adoptive daughter of Thanos, himself (Gamora), a cyborg rodent who looks like a Raccoon (Rocket), a green-skinned brute who really wants vengeance on a certain villain (Drax the Destroyer), and a walking tree who sounds like Vin !@#$ing Diesel (Groot). Together, they commit crimes, or at least try to band together and get their !@#$es out of jail so they can fulfill their individual goals. 

"Now we just need awesome music. How about 'In the Navy'?"

Bad news is, it won't be that !@#$ing simple. For one thing, the Nova Corps is on their !@#$. For another, they'll have to deal with the Collector, himself, who, as we all know by now, is not to be !@#$ing trusted. And for yet another thing, they'll ultimately have to face Ronan the Accuser, a dangerous Kree fanatic who wants the orb for his master, Thanos, but might have a few !@#$ed-up ideas of his own. 

And let's not forget the other adoptive daughter of Thanos, Nebula, who's got enough issues to have subscriptions, and is !@#$ happy to deal with them by bringing the pain to other folks who get in her way. 

The story of how these unlikely heroes become a team and deal with these scum!@#$s is the movie, and there's no way in !@#$ I am giving away any more than I have. But there are a few things I will tell you about why you should see this movie, other than the fact that I'll kick your !@#$ing butts black and blue if you don't.

1) It's fun, fun, fun: This is being billed as a science fiction action comedy, and they didn't just say that because it rolls off the tongue like a vodka-soaked gummi bear. There's a lot of laughs, a lot of good action, explosions, laughs, thrills, excellent effects, laughs, and stirring speeches that find a way to make this more than just a laugh, though it has a lot of big !@#$ laughs. The good guys are loveable rogues who don't always make good choices, but have good banter, and the bad guys are one-dimensional enough to not have to have a hard think about moral ambiguity or any of that !@#$ while enjoying your popcorn.

2) It's Marvel, Though You Don't Need to Know That: If you are a Marvel fan, you will not be disappointed. This movie takes its cues from the current run of Guardians of the Galaxy, but also throws in a lot of other pieces of cosmic Marvel -- both new and old, big and small. It plays right into the backstory of certain, super-powerful objects we've seen in other Marvel movies (Captain America, Avengers, and Thor II), throws in some massively amazing things we've been hoping to see as MCU canon, and develops the presence of Thanos as a big bad to watch out for.

But even if you've never read the comic, and have no idea who the !@#$ any of these people are, your ignorance is not penalized from not getting it. Whatever's essential to the plot is explained, and whatever's just an easter egg or fan service is just that -- however wonderful to see.

"I said a triple carmel macchiato with soy milk, !@#$ it."

3) We're Going to Need the Laugh:  It's true that this movie lacks the emotional depth of other Marvel movies. And that may lead you to realize that your cheering isn't as deep and full as it was for, say, Avengers, Iron Man, or Captain America: the Winter Soldier, and may lead to your leaving the theater feeling as though you aren't as satisfied as you should be. However, as has been remarked elsewhere, this is the light comedy course between two really !@#$ heavy offerings -- Winter Soldier and the upcoming Avengers 2, which is purportedly going to be one !@#$ of a big !@#$ emotional wringer. 

Past that? This movie's a great ensemble piece, which each character meshing fairly well with the others. The CGI on Rocket and Groot is nothing short of !@#$ing amazing, to the point where you can almost believe it's real, and those who listen for a certain Browncoat in an amusing cameo will not be disappointed. 

Plus, Josh Brolin's Thanos shows a lot of promise -- in the short time he's on screen you can actually feel the pure !@#$ing menace radiate over the rest of the film. We'll be seeing more of him, soon. We may not like it, though...

SPYGOD's Verdict: Two and a Half Thumbs Up for an immensely fun movie that doesn't take itself too seriously, even in the face of black villainy and possible Galactic apocalypse. Guardians of the Galaxy delivers on its promise of comedy, action, and science fiction while doing Marvel's cosmic properties proud. Take a friend who's never seen any Marvel movies, and be sure to stay alllll the way through the credits.

7/7/14 - Black Science, Vol. 1: How To Fall Forever (Image)

As I was saying just the other day, son, I !@#$ing hate dimensional travel. 

I mean, it's hard enough dealing with !@#$ in our own world, let alone anyone else's. But when you go leaping from one plane of reality into another, even if you wind up on the same !@#$ing planet you're always running the risk of altered history, social errors that can get your !@#$ killed, or worse, and crazy !@#$ you'd never even think of. Like having my fine, gay !@#$ chased through Ancient Greece by god!@#$ nazi robots riding giant worms.

(And no, son, we are not talking about that. If that was any more classified I'd have to shoot God in the face.)

Plus, there's the god!@#$ landings. It's not always like that one !@#$ movie where Snake Plissken and Ultron are going through the giant Egyptian space donut, and can send a robot ahead to check it the !@#$ out. Nine times out of ten you're just through and gone, on a literal wing and a prayer, with no !@#$ing telemetry at all

So the moment you jump through the portal, and land on the other end? Well, it's like jumping from a !@#$ing moving train, son. Maybe you're lucky and you land in a conveniently located pile of hay, but it's more likely you're going to hit the dirt on top of a big !@#$ pile of rocks.

Then, once you've gotten the !@#$ up, and found out half your !@#$ party's turned into mush or been eaten by mouths in the ground, you look down the tracks and see your train going away.

And then you say "Well !@#$, how the !@#$ are we going to get back, now?"

"Wait, what do you mean we can't !@#$ing call a cab?"

So yes, son. I hate it, hate it, hate it. With the power of a thousand big !@#$ burning suns, and all that !@#$. But maybe that's why I like reading about it, if only because I can !@#$ing enjoy it by remote, and not have to worry about fending off a legion of giant, Athenian inchworms with nothing but a can of Greek fire, two empty pistols, and a god!@#$ rock.

Which brings me to the first volume of what has to be, hands-down, the best !@#$ing dimensional travel story I have read in quite some time: the first volume of Black Science -- How to Fall Forever. It's another excellent science fiction offering from Image comics, which, in case you haven't been !@#$ing paying attention, is getting far, far away from simply being an nest of infighting creators who didn't want to deal with Marvel's bull!@#$, anymore.

What's going on? Well, here's this scientist, and he's managed to do something extremely ill-considered and illegal. He's made dimensional travel actually !@#$ing work, somehow, and is intent on using that knowledge to go exploring, and bring back amazing new things to the world.

"Come on, man. There are starving kids in Africa!"

All well and good, but there's just one problem -- the first trip out wasn't supposed to have this many people on it. Something went really !@#$ing wrong, in the lab, and now there's people stuck on another world that clearly have no business being there. Most notably his !@#$hole boss, as well as his own kids who really shoudn't have come along.

Yet another problem? The controls on their device have been smashed all to !@#$. So not only are they lost, but they have no control over where they are !@#$ing going, and the time they spend on each world is totally random.

But there's an even bigger problem than that. Those controls didn't get !@#$ing smashed by accident. One of the people on this trip is a !@#$ traitor, willing to kill them all to stop this experiment.

And how can you fight for your lives in a strange and hostile alien environment when one of the group is trying to knife the rest you in the back...?

How indeed, sweet William. How indeed.

I'm not !@#$ing saying anything more about the plot, itself, because to do so would ruin a lot of the great surprises and shocks this has in store. It's enough to say that it reminds me of Sliders crossed with the original Lost in Space, with a little bit of early Doctor Who mixed in for good measure. That and a !@#$ton of fighting, heavy language, and a story that's slowly unwound from well-timed flashbacks makes this a well-paced treat.

But I will say why this series really amazed me.

1) Sheer imagination. Being able to go to different !@#$ing dimensions gives a lot of chances to show off your writing and art chops, and Remender, Scalera, and White do not disappoint. There's more ideas in a single world they encounter than there are in most big box-office films, and the artists bring them to life with a great deal of verve.

2) Great Pulp. This is some brilliant, two-fisted stuff, here. It reminds me of 70's-era Heavy Metal magazine, back before it drank a big bottle of SUCK that it still hasn't quite voided from its system. And yet, unlike that magazine's output, which always amazed yet disheartened, this series has hope and humanity in equal measure -- essential ingredients if you want to care about the people, and their fates.

3) Who's dying next. Having read a lot of science fiction, and watched it on the screen, one slowly develops a sense of fatalism about certain kinds of characters. You know who's going to live, who's going to die; who's going to sacrifice themselves bravely, and who's just going to get offed for a shock. I'm happy to report that Black Science bucks this trend with all the force of an iron bull set up to 11. You really do not see most of the important character death coming, and the results are quite spectacular, in terms of what it brings to bear on the plot.

In short, Image Comics has itself another winner, here. If you've been digging Remender's high-WTF work on Uncanny Avengers, and were floored by his Dimension Z saga in Captain America, Black Science will show you what he can do when he doesn't have Marvel telling him to play nice. And if you've liked Scalera's other work, the glory he and Dean White get up to will have you drooling in anticipation for the next issue.

And maybe a few other things, besides...

SPYGOD'S VERDICT: Three thumbs up for a great concept that's amazingly well-executed, and has left me wanting a !@#$ of a lot more. This is one you should make a monthly buy.

Black Science vol 1 - How To Fall Forever - get it at your local comic store!